Looking for changes

You know how you look for answers when things aren’t quite right in your life? You don’t need a psychiatrist but you need something different. Me too.

I was in the middle of one of my self help episodes when I saw a pattern in my life. I had to laugh when I realized it. See, it was the latest in a long line of antidotes and life changes I thought would fix my failings, would straighten me out and show me the path, hoping it would cure all my ails. I realized we are all in a state of flux. The contentment of the latest chapter can last months or years however we do tire of it and look the next wave to come. It’s really not improvement we are doing but more of a metamorphosis. Changing from that year’s person into this year’s person.

About 2010, I was working for AutoNation as a contractor so I felt I was without specific commitment which made me yearn for the next career life. I’d hang out with AutoNation until the project was finished and then I would start my new, exciting profession as a ……

Ummm, I had no idea what that was although I was certain I could be anything I wanted to be. So, rather predictably, I went back to school and my practicality won out so I started my degree in Business Management. Figured since I spent the last 20+ years in accounting and business that I should stick with what I knew and was good at. My “back to school” phase last 3 years (part time so no, I have no degree yet) and the reason I took a hiatus was that next chapter of my working life brought me full circle to the job I left when my mom died. I became a Controller at an AutoNation store. This time it was in south Florida so it was new and different! Nope, it wasn’t. It was the S.O.S but with humidity and feisty snowbirds.

The next prescription of fix-my-life came when my body started to act old the minute I turned 46. I started to creak and crack and moan. It took me a minute or so to get out of a sedan and more than that to waddle to the bathroom first thing out of bed in the morning. I hated that feeling. I had gained 10+ pounds which was holding on tightly to my body to the point I was afraid a hunger strike would actually make me gain weight! I also got on the bus. What bus? The health bus my company sponsors that takes your blood pressure and cholesterol readings. My bad was bad and my good was good however I wanted the bad to get lowered. This was also the time Andrea was going to college to be a nutritionist, herbalist, life coach. She taught me about eating healthy and what nastiness is in processed food. Thus began my health food kick. I drank green drinks in the morning with a variety of top shelf vitamins. I almost eliminated fast food from my diet. I tried to eat organic, non-GMO and bought veggies and fruits from the local guys. I still ate meat and fish although you can read lots of negative press on these. I realized you had to pick what you thought was best but what you enjoyed to eat. I lost the 10+ pounds with diet and exercise and I made a healthy change in my life that I still enjoy today. All of this and I was still little ol’ me inside.

Last September, we bought a house. It has both our names on it and we love it. We unpacked our things which was a hodge podge of his, hers and theirs stuff. We had antiques from Doug’s grandparent and furniture from my mom as well as things we had in our pre-relationship lives. It is a real potpourri of styles and eras! We placed it quick and got on with our lives. It was recently that I looked around and thought, where’s our style? We’ve got a sparse bedroom, a busy guestroom full of my mom’s bric-a-brac, a clustered extra bedroom/my office and a thrown together but messy office for Doug. The rest of the house is okay for now but that’s another story. I figured that Doug earns his living and reigns his career from his office. It should be more prestigious than it is. There’s papers and computer paraphernalia everywhere. It doesn’t feel right. My office...same. Nobody would want to create paper airplanes let alone novels in that room. Here comes my next life remedy. We need feng shui!!! My mother really loved reading and practicing feng shui. It’s about placing items in your house that create flow, positive energy and comfort. Have you ever had a piece of furniture so poorly placed that you constantly either stubbed your toe on it or hit your knee? That, my friends is not good feng shui because it causes you distress. You need bright colors to inspire you to work, focus or play as you need calming colors and fabrics to help you sleep or rest. As important too is a fabulous kitchen that makes you want to cook healthy, delicious meals for your family instead of turning your nose up to the room and saying “let’s order pizza”!! It's a family room that draws everyone in to hang out and talk and laugh. Okay, I hope I sold you on my latest obsession but the crux of it is that I want to make our house comfortable, pleasing and full of the emotions you should have in each room. Doug, my hero, was so open minded although he’s not much into these sort of metaphysical sciences. I did some reading and made some suggestions about layout, seating position and organizational ideas. He took it and ran. His office is so much more functional and, enjoyable and I am hoping he feels more focused and empowered in his newly furnished workspace. When I came home from work and saw his new office setup, I turned on my heels and went into my office. I sat there and stared not knowing what to do. My mom’s brass bed was in there as our 2nd guest bedroom which we didn’t need but we didn’t want to part with the bed. It took a lot of the room so the best layout was calculated with help from my new feng shui master Doug. I am now typing on my laptop from the position of strength which is a great improvement from staring at the corner in the previous layout. We are both happy with our new offices and we are hoping this enjoyment equates to better work/writing performance as well as more professional brilliance.

Iron rusts from disuse;water loses its purity from stagnation...even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.  -Leonardo da Vinci

What will you do?

Poll: (This one is for you to write down formally or on the back of the Comcast bill envelope),

You just lost your job. The company is going out of business and they laid you off. Lucky for you, the severance package was healthy and the house, car and insurance is handled for a year. So...what will you do?
This is an opportunity to do something you've always thought of. Okay, maybe it's not starting a cafe. It doesn't have to be so grand. Maybe it's finally a chance to take your camper across the country while stopping at every tourist attraction/scenic view along the way. Maybe you'll visit all those long lost relatives on your family tree? Or paint all of Colorado's 14'ers. I want you to put some thought into it while having fun. What would you do if you didn't have to work for the next year? Make a list, write down details, maybe you have a laundry list so how long would you do each item? If this is a trip, who would you take? If this is a business, write a short business plan.

Here's a snipit of what I might do:
We would buy a used pop up camper to tow behind the truck. We would load up the truck with provisions, pups, generator and laptops. We would drive down to the keys and camp out. In the evenings and early mornings, we will explore the local area and parks. During the day I will write stories and the husband will do the work for which he is paid to do. (he currently works at home so we'll make him a moving office thanks to his mobile hotspot). After the Keys, we will explore the whole state of Florida. We will explore the whole state taking in towns, sanctuaries, state parks and fish shack. It'll take 2 month before we're ready to divorce so I'll come up a new idea for my remaining 10 months.

Take 10 - 15 minutes and have fun with this but put your heart and hopes in there too. It's good to explore your dreams.

You have to dream before your dreams can come true.

A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Anti-Writing

I have a desire to be a writer. I've been writing stuff since I was very young. Now I want to write a story...a book...something I can hand someone and command them to read.

I would have been a writer many times over if it weren't for something I recently learned was called "anti-action". It's the stuff you do instead of the stuff you should or want to do. If you ever set down to paint or craft or write or sew, you know that you suddenly start to clean the house. The same house that you haven't cleaned in months. Or you start to clean the grime in the sink drain. It's the chores that keep you from realizing some things you really want to do. We sabotage ourselves.

I realized tonight that I was doing it so I sat down to write a story about anti-action. It's fiction but not that far from it! Funny, I wrote a whole bunch and I restarted my blog on a website that actually doesn't crash daily. So here it is. My new blog and my night's writing. Enjoy!!

Oh, hang on. I need to start the laundry. That way after my 3rd or 4th chapter, it should be ready for the dryer. And after my 7th or 8th chapter, I can take them out and fold them. Oops, I’m out of laundry soap. Crap! All my work shirts are dirty. I need to pop out real quick and go to the store. 10 minutes later, I’m in the car driving to the store. Oh wait, I need to stop in to Hobby Lobby and look for some holiday ribbon for my tree. 60 minutes and $100 later, I leave. By the way, I forgot the ribbon. Off to the grocery store to get laundry soap and some dinner items. In the parking lot I see Diana my neighbor 3 streets over. Hey girl, what’s new? Chit chat...chit chat...boy it’s been too long, hasn’t it? Wait a minute, aren’t I suppose to be writing my pulitzer prize novel? Diana, I gotta go. I’ll stop by this week for some wine and gossip. See you. Looking at my watch, I’ve been gone for almost 2 hours. Okay, I tell myself, get in and conquer quickly and get the things you need. Nope. Aisle by aisle, I rummage the store inventory. I catch myself and silently yell at myself so I rush to the section where detergent is and grab that family size box (because damn if I will let the lack of laundry soap keep me from writing again!!). Okay. Back at the house and it’s close to 4 pm. I pull out the dinner meat and marinate it. Okay, what else? Oh yea. Got to start the laundry. I rush in, start the load then head to the computer to start my writing process. My writing program is slowly opening so I quickly check Facebook to see what’s new since 4 hours ago when I last checked. Oh look, cute pictures of cats called “20 amazing photos of kittens”. One by one I ooh and aah. Okay done and the program is ready and waiting for my typing brilliance. Just about to close the FB window and I see the floating tab “new postings”. Oh, I’ll check real quick then click off. 4 new posts and...what?...the new single from my favorite artist? what? Oh, I HAVE to watch this. I click and eventually end up on his site where a handful of his older songs and videos are free to watch. 30 minutes and 6 songs later, I am jonesing to hear this old stuff again the only way to hear it. On vinyl. I pick up my laptop and all my essentials like books, pens, ipod, cell phone, bowl of chips ( not too many, dinner’s on in 60 minutes). I move into the room where the record player sits in all its coolness. I start the 1st side of his 1st album. Ah, so good. Okay, fire up the computer and arrange all my goodies in their perfect spots. boy, wouldn’t a beer taste good? It was hot outside and i need a cool drink. Walking outside to the beer fridge, I stop to admire the beauty of the yard and the sunshine-y day. Beer needs lime which takes me back inside to the frig. No cut limes so I grab a whole one and proceed to the cutting board. Chop, chop, chop. I have a perfectly sliced lime. Squeeze it in and slide the section into the bottle, it’s back to the office to write. Oh crap, the whole first side played and I was outside!! Argh. I start the side over again. Okay, it’s time. There it is, my stark white Word page ready for my brilliant story. I watch the blinking line where the words are suppose to go. It’s waiting. Hello?? I type “My Story” and added my name. Okay, good start. One minute, I need a different font but which one? Verdana...arial...georgia...damnit...arial is fine.  Blink, blink. I hear the dogs get up scampering towards the front door as my husband walks in from his afternoon golf game. Honey!? Yes, I’m in my office. He walks in beaming. I had a great game and made some amazing putts. I won $20 off of John and you’ll never guess what he told me? Jim from the HOA? He’s getting asked to leave. Oh, I’ve got so much to tell you about. Come outside and sit and have a beer with me. I look apologetically at my laptop as I walk out of the room.