I remember when all my older friends would say, “wait for your 40’s, that when life really starts”. I rolled into my 40’s and I began to see the light except no one told me your body starts to change and it’s not for the good.
2 years in and riding the wave of my fabulous forties, I was pretty sure I was on top of the world looking down at all my silly thirty something and twenty something friends. “Ha” I say to them as I’ve got my health, my security, my experience and I still have my youth. That is until I turned 42 and my metabolism took a permanent part time job. It was subtle at first, I’d gain a pound or two after a few 2 am Denny visits after the bar but the difference was I couldn’t instantly shed those pounds and the next few days of indulgence led to a few more pounds of weight. I could barely eat a couple of cookies without worry. The second digit in my weight soon took residence in the next number up and I realized I had permanently gained 10 pounds. Worse was a few days of starvation didn’t fix the issue. I had to exercise and starve to maintain that younger weight but I wasn’t used to starving. I had been in the habit to eat whatever I like whenever I like for as many days, in a row, as I’d like. My eating life had changed significantly.
I got used to watching what I ate and when I ate it and I maintained a slightly higher weight and considered it a life lesson. Then came 44 and the unimaginable happened...I found a grey hair in my bangs. And that grey hair soon invited other grey friends to take up residence in my ‘do leading to a grey hair revolution that needed well chosen hair color to cover up. Problem is that the grey hairs don’t like to be hidden from company and they fight like hell to be seen. They affect your color, your cut and the way your hair lays down on your head. It was a battle and I then realized why some ladies I knew had just let the grey hair come (and I apologize for my comments I made in private). The battle is long and fierce fighting those creepers. I increased the frequency I visit the hairdresser in order to keep my tresses looking like they did 5 years earlier.
It just isn’t your metabolism or your hair that changes in your 40’s, it’s everything. I’m not sure what gene or what dead brain cell all the sudden makes you forget to zip your zipper but I have recently forgotten that habit that I spent the last 30+ years of my life doing. I don’t remember to zip up but I do remember about 20 minutes after leaving the restroom to casually check my pant opening. It’s a delayed reaction but it does minimize the amount of people who see my barn door open.
I’ve lost my strength too. I used to be Wonder Woman and was able to carry a chair or table but now I need to ask my husband for help. Or opening a jar...I had those rubber jar openers the insurance company would send me. I just kept them so I had their phone number but now I actually have to use them! Oh, and I can’t multi-task like I used to and have to write myself lists of things to do but then I can’t remember where I put the list. I am so off my game these days. That sound you thought was gunshots? That’s the sound of my knees popping after I sat too long and sadly I can’t sit on the floor anymore because the only way I can get up is to get on the floor doggie style and slowly grab a chair to prop myself up slowly to standing.
All of these things affect us 40+ women as well as our weak bladders, our arthritic hands and feet (oh God, why did we wear those high heels in the 80’s??), and our less than elastic skin. I’m telling you it’s a bad day when you wake up and schlep yourself to the bathroom mirror only to realize you have not just one wrinkle but many. And this makes you so cynical so that when you get carded, you just want to spit in the clerk’s face. Really buddy? How many 20 year olds have worry, laugh and smile lines? NONE, okay, now give me my bottle of Chardonnay because grandma needs a drink!!
Just the other day I was with friends having a Cosmo. I had enjoyed one at their house a week before and the man of the house had put a splash of grapefruit juice in it to jazz it up. I asked him not to put in the juice this time because it gave me heartburn during my last visit. Everyone stopped and smiled knowingly at me. Welcome to the age of acid reflux my darling. No!! I said. Acid reflux is something in commercials that big pharma markets to and I am not that audience. Geez, soon you’ll tell me I have low T and I’m not a guy!!
The 40’s are great. You are brilliant, confident and free from the chains of youthful expectations but life is fair and as you enjoy reading your 401k statement or reviewing your 800+ credit score, your body is changing for the worse. No, you won’t die but you have to diet, exercise, yoga, moisturize, color your hair and pluck. It’s not easy but it’s a change you’ll eventually accept. My advice to my young readers: take care of your skin, don’t scrunch your face and stretch everyday. Good luck!
